Roanoke

As our long, daunting voyage across the sea came to a close
We broke the waves and crashed into the shore.
Only to find that
What had been described as home
Was but a mere figment of our imagination.
And we ripped and tore at each other
Until there was nothing left
At all.

The Axe Murderer

I'm pitching a new reality show I'm calling The Axe Murderer. The premise of the show is simple. At the end of the season only one survives.

In the beginning of the season premier, we meet the contestants. A melting pot of troubled souls, allowing to touch the heart of every demographic in the viewing audience. It is during this episode that the contestants dig their own graves.

Starting with the second and each episode after, the contestants compete in challenges to gain immunity for the upcoming episode. At the end of each episode, one contestant is found dead and the remaining contestants bury him. 

The last episode will culminate in a special two part, two hour special with only three remaining. After a series of contests during the first hour, one contestant will be murdered, leaving only two. The final hour will be a duel of the minds as the audience, spellbound, tries to decide which is the killer. The season ends as the last contestant is found murdered and the Axe Murderer triumphantly tosses shovels of dirt into the grave. 

Channels we get

This is really for my own personal use. Spent all day working on it. It's just that, there is really no way to find anything on TV without scanning through thousands of channels, most of them I don't even get. And I can't find a listing that shows what channels we get without all the useless ones we don't, not to mention all the crap channels I'd we do get that I'd never watch. So here's my list of the channels I would watch, sports channels, and then everything we get. I may do another list for all the Latino channels, cause I'm kinda thinking I wanna date a Mexican chick.

My Channels
2 ABC Atlanta 3 NBC Chattanooga 5 Fox Atlanta 6 CBS Atlanta 7 ESPN 9 ABC Chattanooga 11 NBC Atlanta 12 CBS Chattanooga 13 MyATL	16 UPN Atlanta 17 Peachtree TV 20 USA 23 Spike 24 TNT 26 Discovery 27 History 30 AMC 32 Comedy	33 FX 34 ESPN2 36 Fox Sports South 39 TBS 42 A&E 45 VH1 67 Esquire 69 TruTV 281 SEC Network
Sports
7 ESPN 34 ESPN2 36 Fox Sports South 49 NBC Sports 68 FS1 Sports 74 Fox Sports SE 281 SEC Network
All Channels
2 ABC Atlanta 3 NBC Chattanooga 4 Public Access 5 Fox Atlanta 6 CBS Atlanta 7 ESPN 8 PBS 9 ABC Chattanooga 10 QVC 11 NBC Atlanta	12 CBS Chattanooga 13 MyATL 14 ION 15 Galavision 16 WUPA 17 Peachtree TV 18 WATC 19 ABC Family 20 USA 21 Music Television LOL	22 Home Shopping 23 Spike TV 24 TNT 25 BET 26 Discovery 27 History 28 Animal Planet 29 Lifetime 30 AMC 31 HGTV
32 Comedy Central 33 FX 34 ESPN 2 36 Fox Sports South 37 CNN 38 CNBC 39 TBS 40 Headline News 41 Weather Channel 42 A&E	45 VH1 46 Nickelodeon 47 Trinity 48 Science Fiction 49 NBC Sports 50 TLC 51 E! 52 Fox News 53 Disney 54 TVOne	55 CSPAN 56 Jewelry 60 Cartoon Network 61 Inspirational 62 Paid Programming 66 Golf 67 Esquire 68 FS1 Sports 69 TruTV 71 OWN
72 TV Land 73 Bravo 74 Fox Sports SE 80 EVINE 81 Home Shopping 2 95 WGN Chicago 98 POP 99 Food 103 CSPAN2 105 CSPAN3	106 FBN 109 National Geographic 111 Inv Discovery 114 BBC 115 FYI Network (A&E) 116 H2 (History) 117 WE 118 Esquire 123 Oxygen 124 Jewelry	126 History 128 Spirit 136 Hallmark M and M 137 Hallmark 145 Pure Country 146 CMT 147 GAC 149 Movieplex 151 Uplifting Entertainment 161 Turner Classic Movies
162 Lifetime Movie 169 Gameshow Network 177 POP Movies 185 MSNBC 190 Justice Network 191 WDTA Atlanta 192 WGTVK PBS 193 GPBDT 194 NBC Weather 195 Movie 196 Bounce	198 WSBR (MyATL?) 199 ANTEN 201 LAFF 228 WUVM Latino 230 UNIMA Latino 238 WKTB Latino 260 Travel 267 FXX 280 EVINE 281 SEC Network 282 Buzzr	283 DECAD 284 COZI 285 Grit 389 KTN 390 KTN 401-450 Music Channels 600 WUVM Latino 613 GALA Latino 619 WUVG Latino 657/667 Latino 786/787 SECN Alternate

Finding "True" Love

It has been said that true love is what really matters in life but I believe that is a bit of a misnomer. I once had an inexplicable and unhealthy obsession with Lizzie Grubman. Just the fact she could find it necessary and acceptable to back her Escalade into a crowd of party goers kind of intrigues me. I even wrote her letters when she was in prison, though, sadly, I never sent them. Mostly out of pure embarrassment and of course the outlandish idea that she would respond and we would fall in love and then... well then, I would be married to Lizzie Grubman.

I can only imagine the wild antics we would have hanging out in the Hamptons. Crashing parties at Martha's Vineyard. Losing our kids at Whole Foods. Do they even have a Whole Foods in Nantucket. I also wonder how many kids we'd have. I'm guessing five, but with a surrogate mom, of course. Three girls and two boys. I haven't gone so far as to name any them. But, alas, such love will never come to be.


Live long Lizzie and maybe in a future life we shall meet, and be as one. The loving, wild, eccentric, and completely independent couple we always deserved to be.

17 Annoying things people do while they're driving

17 Annoying things people do while they’re driving

1)      You know that driver who’s darting from lane to lane, cutting people off, being a huge asshole? Then you get up to red light and they’re right next to you, inching forward, waiting for the light to change so they gun it and stop at the next light.

2)      Then there’s that guy that’s tailgating you in heavy traffic. He’s riding about a foot off your bumper with that angry, perplexed on his face. See all that traffic in front of me, dude? I feel your pain.

3)      The flipside; when there’s not much traffic, and you’re on a four lane road, and that same guy, probably, is riding your ass. He could very easily go around you, but no, that wouldn't make sense.

4)      Turning right on red. You know how you’re sitting there behind that car, there’s no traffic coming, and they just sit there, and sit there, and then the light turns green and they turn right? Seriously?

5)      People that pass you and then slow down on the highway. I kind of thought you were in a hurry. But now you’re compelled to go slower so now I have to pass you. Thanks buddy.

6)      Those drivers that don’t have time to stop for a stop sign or coming out of a parking lot and pull right out in front of you but then suddenly whatever was the big rush has diminished and they can’t seem to go over 25 mph.

7)      People that think a yield sign means you have to stop.

8)      People that think a yield sign means you don’t have to stop.

9)      Drivers that have to compulsively drive in the right hand lane. You just passed me. You forgot I was here? Amnesia? Thanks for running me off the road.

10)  Tractors. Need I say more? Anyone who lives in a rural area knows this. You’re on that small backwoods highway and some idiot farmer is going ten on a tractor. He could easily pull off and let the 48 cars behind him go, but he just waves and smiles.

11)  When people drive in the left lane but won’t go over the speed limit. It’s the fast lane, right? They feel like they’re going pretty fast. You feel like you’ve been kidnapped.

12)  That car that was behind you but feels like they need to pass you, and then suddenly they need to stop and turn. Really, dude? WTH?

13)  People that don’t understand turn lanes. Here’s how it works; get in the turn lane, slow down, stop (if needed), turn left. Here’s how not to; slow down, stop, slowly move forward, get in the turn lane, then turn left.

14)  A driver that’s looking for something (LOST). Left blinker is on, is this the road, come to a complete stop, nope. Then they speed up, next road, same thing, on and on for thousands of miles. It’s usually a florist or a mobile dog groomer.

15)  Truck drivers. LOL.

16)  Cabs!!! How many degrees of stupidity do you need to drive a taxi? I need to get over. There’s a car there. So I just get over right? Or they’re doing 11 in the middle of the road looking for a fare.

17)  That driver that feels intent on turning left at that intersection where traffic never stops. It’s impossible. Never gonna happen. But they persist. You feel like you’ve been kidnapped. This is how throat punching started, right?